On Being Held by Your Own Rhythm
Remothering, and what we pass on
It felt like a gentle Sunday morning outside, when I opened my windows earlier today. My copper beech is in full bloom, feeling a special bond because I’ve cared for it, since I moved here, as a form of belonging after losing my home last year.
I also just noticed a baby tree appear next to the big one, close to where I’ve been watering it.
This Mother's Day, I thought I’d share a couple of things I personally do and tend to, as a part of my cyclical lifestyle around keeping an auto-immune illness in remission. Natural beauty rituals and practices that have made a difference for me. In my body, in my business, and for my mental health.
Learning to live inside this rhythm is perhaps one of the most quietly radical things we as women can do. I really believe that, having studied it for close to two decades in various ways.
Passing it on feels like a natural form of care.
Across cultures, the majority of words for women’s moon time honour it, as synonymous with the sacred, spirit, the supernatural. Known as a "blessing" long before it was ever thought of as a curse, and associated with heightened inner life. The idea of the woman becoming The Temple, which is why women were left out of church in some traditions during this time of the month.
In Sanskrit, the name for menstruation is Ritual. Something we return to.
For me, these days are holy. I have always felt it that way, even before I had language for it.
There’s a sense of relief. A return to myself, and a profound sense of presence and being, at once. A reassurance that everything is exactly as it should be. Why I also speak of it as a “landing” worth preparing yourself for, to get the most out of it.
May is also Mental Health Awareness Month, and because the women’s cycle is increasingly recognised in medicine as a fifth vital sign, revealing as much about a woman’s health as heart rate and blood pressure, I thought I’d share some of the wisdom I weave into my writings here on Substack.
Based on the benefits of loving and honouring your cycle, cycle syncing and getting to know yourself this way, ultimately passing it on to your daughters and loved ones. And because so much of the female cyclical nature still remains overlooked in the way we structure modern life.
When I was working with Dosa between 2010 and 2017, we were closely connected to organisations centred around women's labour, women's craft, and the ability to care for their children while making a living. Before this, I spent time in New York studying feminine leadership alongside my master's in womenswear and textiles - all of it circling the same question.
What I have studied from these different angles revealed to me the same thing: that a woman’s work and life shouldn’t be in opposition. We are wired differently. And our rhythm is not something to overcome, but something to listen to as a north star.
The Wise Wound by Penelope Shuttle & Peter Redgrove captures something beautifully: “Unlike the sun, which (except during eclipses) is always its own self, the moon is periodically its own opposite.”
From the same book, the authors draw upon a paper by Tom Buckley on the survival of ancient menstrual rites among the Yurok women of Northern California: “According to the old laws, a woman should isolate herself during the flow, because this is the time when she is at the height of her powers.”
This is what I mean when I talk about temple time. Not a performance of slowness. Not wellness culture (as it’s worth knowing the difference, I recommend looking up neoliberal feminism) but an actual relationship to your own inner landscape that can be of such support on all levels; psychologically, physiologically and spiritually.
A woman's cycle responds to sincere interest. It reveals things for you and communicates through you, if you listen. This equally for women in menopause, you are still cyclical, guided by the moon’s.
I was in the early days of my own “becoming” as inner spring can feel like, when I started writing this with a certain softness still lingering. Slightly light shy. Not fully ready to leave my bubble yet, but close enough to feel the creative forces of a wiser returning.
I have always loved this time. Not just for the peace that happens biologically in the brain, but also the shift from doing into being. The heightened intuition. The feeling of being one with nature quite literally. Like sitting on a gold mine.
When I biked home on day 2, after maintenance days in our workshops, I passed a blooming cherry tree at sunset. Feeling so tired I wasn't sure how to get all the way home, I climbed up on one of its branches and took a rest.
Day 2 can be a raw point in the cycle, and I hadn't had the same space to be with what needed my attention. After an hour here, a sense of grief seemed to have been exchanged with the surrender I felt from watching and being held by a blooming cherry tree, the sound of the wind in the crowns, birds and deer grazing nearby.
The four inner seasons is really just an introduction to cultivating your own inner connection and this kind of awareness.
Because the female cycle is a vast landscape, full of nuances and becomings, held within surrounding cycles and life. A roadmap that begins with your own grace, gentleness and presence. One that shouldn't be boxed into a concept, or rushed into any next “season” before you are truly feeling it and ready.
What from the outside can appear unpredictable, is a time of certainty and remothering for me. A return to myself through one of the most reliable rhythms and ways of being held, I know of.
That is the gift. Not only for Mothers. But for all of us I believe.
In honour of Mother’s Day, 25% of every dress sold this month goes to SEED Madagascar’s safe birth project, supporting women in bringing life into the world with skilled hands beside them, dignity intact. The largest fundraiser I’ve run to date.
And onto a list of things I love and use everyday — my silk hair clouds, made of reimagined vintage silk scarves, worn by Liv Tyler on Vogue.com. Working on bringing some back, but sold out at the moment. I also used to stock the Mason Pearson boar brush which remains a daily ritual. This past full moon I slept with a braid as I often do, to bring out the natural waves you see on these pictures. For those curious about caring more naturally for their hair, a link is included below.
— Mason Pearson boar brush — of course I’d get the Lightwood but love my two pinks in Popular and Extra as well — Vintner’s Daughter Active Botanical Serum — a ritual in itself and one I love applying before sleep because of the aromatherapeutic benefits — The Wise Wound by Penelope Shuttle & Peter Redgrove — My Madagascar Smock Night Gowns — worn after a long bath, nothing else but pure cotton against the skin and Bonne Nuit — Saffron for mental health support without side effects from The Fullest — Intuitive Astrology Reading with Becca Kannapell for the loveliest, creative spring guidance — And for natural hair care without washing, this substack.
This letter includes gifted products, personally selected and shared as a part of my seasonal routines.